I Don’t Know Why.

I don’t know why, but I feel like shit.
I’m fairly certain that exam stress as well as my cripplingly overstated depression and my ache-y break-y cupcake-y heart have something to do with my shit quota, but at the same time I actively recognize those things as problems and continue to feel unease at the unknown shit-source.

So, conclusion?

I don’t know why, but I feel like shit.

 

Could it be the overwhelming fact that life is meaningless and we’re all going to be forgotten by the unforgiving infinite cosmos?

Or maybe the fact that I’m never going to be able to feel fulfilled in my life efforts because of my awareness of my loneliness?

Perhaps it’s the part where suicidal thoughts are lurking in the shadows of my Film Noir, cigarette-smelling, rain-pouring brain?

While I face those as possibilities, they still don’t seem to match up with the exact unease I feel when I’m not distracted by the many distractions of civilization.

 

No, I think on this week’s episode of ‘Jesus Christ What The Fuck Is Wrong With Me?’ the problem I’m facing is actually stage-fright.

“W-what?” I hear you stammer behind your screen. “The charming, charismatic and ever so confident Will Ash is feeling stage-fright?”

Yes! Surprising, isn’t it?

And guess what is giving me stage-fright?

It’s the very same blog you’re reading right now!

While it might seem like I’m overly eager to share my “Enigmatic Thoughts” with the world, the truth is that for every visitor I get I feel a little more unsettled.

But at the same time, I also feel accomplished. I feel a sense of pride that my thoughts, my own fucking ridiculous thoughts, actually manage to make people feel some variety of emotion other than disgust.

 

So, conclusion?

I know why I feel like shit.

The same reason I feel happy.