friday nights

most people enjoy their friday nights like one would enjoy a great movie. plenty of snacks, people you love and exciting, memorable times.

i commonly experience these friday nights. headset on, mouse in hand, excessive sugar and nothing but talking pure shit with my best friends. it’s normally the highlight of my week.

 

this friday night is different.

i know the lower case might be off-putting, but ease your worries. i’m not planning on a lengthy cuss-filled rant about heartbreak.

no, tonight is different because i’ve spent the past hour looking at the stars and listening to depressingly relatable music and imagining how different my life could be.

 

i spend too much time lingering on what ‘could be instead of what i can make happen.

how could i not? my vivid imagination makes for spectacularly out-of-reach daydreams.

 

is it really that far out of reach to think that things could’ve ended differently between us?

ah jesus, it’s turning into a lengthy cuss-filled rant about heartbreak. sorry.

 

but it’s all that’s been on my mind tonight. the stars have tried their hardest to comfort me, but i’m too stubbornly set in my ways. tonight, i reach acceptance. the last stage of grief.

 

i’m glad, in a way.

not only that i’m on the final frontier,

but that this all happened.

for a short while, i was really happy. i can appreciate that.

i’m coming to terms with looking back on it as a fond memory as opposed to an infuriatingly sad one.

and for that, i’m glad.

 

i’m also glad i wrote down all my feelings like this.

sincerely, thank you all for coming with me thus far. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, i know, but with the overwhelming amount of support i’ve garnered so far, i strongly believe i’ll push through.

 

 

i guess in a way i still spent my friday night talking nothing but pure shit to my best friends, right?

 

anyway, the stars call.

goodnight.