Nothing.

Once the excitement has resided,

the dust has settled,

and the boyish wonder is gone,

all that remains of me at the moment is a surreal sense of helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness.

 

and nothing anybody says or does can fill me with any reason to not think so.

I know that we’ve been down this road before, you and I.

This path where eventually I realise my shortcomings and become a better person.

But during all of those scenarios, even if I chose to suppress it, I always had a sense that everything would turn out fine and I’ll be back to my normal, tired, selfish ways.

 

 

As of right now, I do not have that sensical flame burning in me.

 

I can’t help but undergo the delusional reality that nothing matters,

nothing I do will ever matter,

nothing the people do around me matter,

therefore, they do not matter,

therefore,

I don’t matter.

And nothing anybody does can change that rock-solid fact.

 

You might notice this isn’t a big ole sad boi, no excessive lowercase, no excessive cursing.

I think that’s because I’m okay with it.

 

I’m okay with going down in history as a nobody.

I’m okay with never having a legacy worthy of peoples’ time.

I’m okay with everything I do being ultimately worthless in the sense of time and space.

 

 

My sense of helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness doesn’t come from the fact that nothing I do matters,

it comes from the fact that I’m okay with it.