Time.

It’s hard to not be terrified by the passing of time.

Coupled with my abysmal memory, the rapid passing of time provides some truly scary moments.

 

This year just flew on by. And I barely remember any of it.

 

It feels just the same as last year. Except now my skin is worse and I’m more tired.

 

The thought that in a few years time, when I’m an adult, I’ll have forgotten most of my life as it is now is truly terrifying. For obvious reasons. I mean, my life right now is my life as a whole, right? So, in that context, forgetting the moments of my life that render so vividly around me in the future is one of the worst, most stomach-churning things I can think of.

 

To think that in a few years videos, photos and words like these are the only reminders I’ll have of my prior existence is genuinely so scary to me.

In the spur of the moment, I’ll think that I’ll never forget the moments with my friends, the relationships I’ve built, the work I’ve done, but reality comes and rips me from that dream during stages like now, the end of the year. I attempt to look back and find that all of those memories have just vanished, and the only tell-tale signs they happened is recordings and other peoples’ memory.

 

I strive so hard to make every moment of my life matter, and for what? To forget it all?

It’s like the world wants me to be nihilistic.