forever young.

this one goes to you.

the dreamers of the dreams.

 

there are a few sure-fire ways of getting me to cry.

the one that hits hardest is music, obviously.

music, and memories attached to it. songs alone are often a solid way to get me bawling like a child, but songs that trigger memories, especially melancholic ones, are the worst.

tongue tied by grouplove is a good example. anyone who’s heard me freak out about this song knows that I attach that song directly to a very specific set of memories – folky weekend.

 

but there’s a song that shatters my heart into a million pieces. this one song just singlehandedly brings tears to my eyes by just imagining it.

and that song is forever young, by youth group.

 

I first heard Forever Young in 3rd grade. My teacher at the time was in love with it, and I can vividly recall walking into that classroom and hearing it for the first time.
I had no idea the future implications of randomly remembering that song would bring me so much bitter-sweet sadness.

it’s hard to explain, but I’ll try my best.

 

I’ve always had a big emotional soft-spot for my own diminishing youth. the idea of my existence as I know it being completely demolished by adulthood and the pressures and responsibilities that come with it.

it’s like I’m on this train that I have no control over, and it’s barreling straight towards the longest, darkest tunnel known to man-kind. and all I’m able to do is look through the window at the beautiful surroundings before it’s too late. but with the train moving so fast, I can only experience parts of the world at a time.

I want to experience all of my youth in its full glory, but I just can’t.

I can’t simultaneously hang out with all my friends, keep on top of schoolwork, go to actual work and make time for my own sanity. I just
I just can’t.

 

that entire thought process occurs about five seconds into the song.

 

if you for some reason haven’t heard the song, I urge you to do so now. even if you have, please just put it on for my sake. it might help you get an idea.

 

I can’t help but think not only of my dying youth, but of the youth I’ve experienced so far.

once the song gets closer to the chorus, my mind can’t help but conjure flashbacks of the short amount of time I’ve spent on the planet.

 

I think about first arriving at college and feeling like it’s Hogwarts.

I think about the first dudes I made friends with there, and how we’ve all grown as people over time.

I think about that weekend at folky – my first real time out of my comfort zone in a social setting

I think about the production and the overwhelming sense of family with such a small group of people.

I think about dancing like a drunk dickhead with friends I thought would last forever.

I think about playing board games with the best people on earth.

I think about mumbled conversations with my brother as I fall asleep.

I think about coming to know the people I work with, and first experiencing a social life outside of school.

I think about how much I’ve grown as a person, and how drastically my existence has changed over what feels like the shortest amount of time

I think about what 7 year old me would think about how I’m living currently.

I think about walks around my neighborhood under the pale moonlight.

I think about Melbourne, and experiencing it with someone I should’ve appreciated more.

I think about lost connections.

I think about my first drink. my first cigarette. my first love.

I think about how I can’t call myself a depressed teenager in three years, I’m just depressed.

I think I’m going to cry if I keep writing.

 

 

 

is it better to burn out than to fade away?

or should I stick around for what has yet to come?

will I remember what I had and wish I did things differently?

 

it’s anyone’s guess.

 

we are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams, wandering by lone sea-breakers, and sitting by desolate streams.

 

I love you all.