Mistakes.

“I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors…  I shall also carry with me the hope, that my Country will never cease to view them with indulgence;”

 

mistakes are what the human psyche builds on.

they are the groundwork of what people run on as a whole – without mistakes, lessons can’t be learned and people can’t mature.

human lives are nothing but a series of mistakes with variable outcomes.

 

dear reader,
I have made, commonly make and will continue to make mistakes.
and as much as I hate the result of the past recent few mistakes, they are perhaps some of the most influential I’ve learned from.
that is to suggest I’ve learned from them, of course.

as much as I can gush on about the importance of human error and the effects it reaps on the longevity of people’s maturity, the point I’m trying to make is
regret is a woeful foe.

it sits all around me, constantly mocking my endless onslaught of awful choices, hurting those closest to me and draining my mental wellbeing.

it laughs as I stumble around my teenage years, attempting to discover myself but instead having negative effects on other people’s lives

it taunts while I make attempts to right wrongs, reduce errors and change to pursuit a better, more healthy lifestyle.

 

regret doesn’t cease to remind me of a world without me in it.

and that’s its most hurtful weapon.

 

the effect I’ve had on humanity is largely negative, and what little positive effects I’ve had don’t make enough difference to justify my existence.

so naturally, regret shows me a world where I don’t exist.

and it’s incredible.

for once, everyone is happier. far happier than they could possibly be around me.

 

dear reader, I come to you, not for showers of compliments, but for simply a means to express the inner-most workings of my person.

pity me not, waste not your precious little amount of care and give it to yourself to keep, for I am a result of a sincere lack of self-care.

 

I stand here before the eyes of the internet a sad, mistake-riddled depressed deviant, a combination of youth’s most garbage emotions and all I’ve got to show for this measly existence is this ridiculous website.

as I drown my sorrows in substances, I want you to take this away.

 

be yourself. do good.
care about yourself, it’s important.
and for the sake of those around you,
please do not start a blog detailing each and every one of your inner-most errors.