Now what?

If you want to be a grocer, or a general, or a politician, or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life but what I will call the artistic life, if each day […]

Where?

The mood changes. The set swings. The characters mix and the world keeps turning. Where am I now? Experiencing life’s progressional journey is nothing short of miraculous. I wake up every morning next to the woman I love. I go to the job I wanted. I talk to the people I enjoy, and they talk […]

beyond the screens

i wait hours to finish my grind at the job. feed the machine. give it my time, the only finite resource i can offer, for the purpose of being able to exist beyond employment. i spend that time. to afford existence. to give myself a comfortable space and to provide the means to enjoy my […]

musings on the noise of it all

“Lost the keys but I’m still handcuffed to the briefcase” Every day gets a little easier than the last, which I tend to appreciate less than I should. Hello world! I started a new job this week. It’s nice to find myself running on a comfortable autopilot again. The work is good, the people are […]

Depression Session

Recently I’ve found myself remarkably bed-bound. My motivation to do just about anything has been completely sapped. Just getting out of bed and getting into the shower feels like such a dramatic effort, such a burn of energy. I can’t even find the effort to tear my eyes away from doomscrolling TikTok. And the worst […]

Turning the page

Hey there, how have you been?Welcome back to the online solace. I have been unwell. Having experienced one of the most major shifts in my lifestyle I’ve ever experienced. My body isn’t handling it as well as I might’ve thought.Panic attacks, chest pains, overwhelming sense of doom.Medication, restless leg in the waiting area, psychologists.The past […]

If I die young

Recently, our family dog, a beautiful golden retriever by the name of Scout, contracted leukemia cancer. For the past few months, we’ve watched her health rapidly decline and seen her suffer through the shittiness that is cancer.Last weekend we had to put her down. It was pretty fucking rough, the whole family is still very […]

Existential Messiness: The Blog.

Hey, everybody. It’s certainly been a while. Around 6 months, the longest time between blogs, ever. The simple answer for why that is, is because I’ve since acquired a typewriter, and have been keeping a journal with it for the past year and a bit, documenting life during Covid-19 as something for the older, more […]

Where to begin?

The feeling of so much happening and yet at the same time so very little has carried throughout the entire year. Things that I used to deem as monumentally valuable have zero meaning, and things I never used to think about are prevalent. My 18th birthday felt like just another day. A couple weeks ago […]

Stagnant.

Though I’m going through what should be considered the most exciting time of my life – the journey of youth coming toward reaching a major landmark, 18 – i feel unhealthily stagnant. I feel as though I’m living the same day over and over again. I feel as though I’m suspended between life and death, […]