what is even happening?

there are three types of person that wake up at 4:45 AM joggers, gym rats, and crazy people. as a firm member of the latter group, being a habitual platonic voyeur of the comings and goings of the great many inhabitants of this silly city brings me some amount of peace; only to be rudely […]

carbs, coffee, clubbing and cigarettes

sunday scaries get scarier my path of adulthood twists and winds, crawls uphill, tumbles down this funny thing keeps happening where every day I wake up and have to be conscious and existent another great day on the big green ball, hopeless to adequately understand that my life is just as deep and meaningful as […]

note to self.

the time will pass anyway. it’s such a optimistic nihilism prospect. the world will keep turning. your friends and family will grow old with you. you’ll make mistakes. you’ll hate yourself for it.but you’ll love.you’ll love the view.you’lll love your partner.you’ll love to dance and love to sing.it’s worth sticking around for. I don’t know […]

untapped

with or without me, the wheels keep spinning the hands keep turning the globe continues rotating I’m just here for the ride. stuck in this physical limbo between life and death, patiently waiting my turn to expire and enter the next stage whatever that may be. my grasp on reality loses its grip occasionally. I […]

Now what?

If you want to be a grocer, or a general, or a politician, or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life but what I will call the artistic life, if each day […]

Where?

The mood changes. The set swings. The characters mix and the world keeps turning. Where am I now? Experiencing life’s progressional journey is nothing short of miraculous. I wake up every morning next to the woman I love. I go to the job I wanted. I talk to the people I enjoy, and they talk […]

beyond the screens

i wait hours to finish my grind at the job. feed the machine. give it my time, the only finite resource i can offer, for the purpose of being able to exist beyond employment. i spend that time. to afford existence. to give myself a comfortable space and to provide the means to enjoy my […]

musings on the noise of it all

“Lost the keys but I’m still handcuffed to the briefcase” Every day gets a little easier than the last, which I tend to appreciate less than I should. Hello world! I started a new job this week. It’s nice to find myself running on a comfortable autopilot again. The work is good, the people are […]

Depression Session

Recently I’ve found myself remarkably bed-bound. My motivation to do just about anything has been completely sapped. Just getting out of bed and getting into the shower feels like such a dramatic effort, such a burn of energy. I can’t even find the effort to tear my eyes away from doomscrolling TikTok. And the worst […]

Turning the page

Hey there, how have you been?Welcome back to the online solace. I have been unwell. Having experienced one of the most major shifts in my lifestyle I’ve ever experienced. My body isn’t handling it as well as I might’ve thought.Panic attacks, chest pains, overwhelming sense of doom.Medication, restless leg in the waiting area, psychologists.The past […]