Existential Messiness: The Blog.

Hey, everybody. It’s certainly been a while. Around 6 months, the longest time between blogs, ever. The simple answer for why that is, is because I’ve since acquired a typewriter, and have been keeping a journal with it for the past year and a bit, documenting life during Covid-19 as something for the older, more […]

Where to begin?

The feeling of so much happening and yet at the same time so very little has carried throughout the entire year. Things that I used to deem as monumentally valuable have zero meaning, and things I never used to think about are prevalent. My 18th birthday felt like just another day. A couple weeks ago […]

Stagnant.

Though I’m going through what should be considered the most exciting time of my life – the journey of youth coming toward reaching a major landmark, 18 – i feel unhealthily stagnant. I feel as though I’m living the same day over and over again. I feel as though I’m suspended between life and death, […]

spread to the edges.

drained doesn’t even begin to cover it. recently i’ve baffled myself with the fact that I find energy to continue pushing every day, because i feel spread thin, like butter on toast. to the edges, because that’s what people like, right? they want everything covered. i’m only human. i don’t know […]

lost.

The impact of the pandemic, for me, has shrouded the certainty I had for the future merely months ago – this has become the norm. from the people i’ve talked to, it seems the general vibe is that nobody is really sure how the world is still spinning and everyone is doing what they’re told […]

the breathing few.

we exist perpetually hanging between the past and the future. catalysts of the present, pioneers of passion. we stride into the battle of society, knights of love and glory. the war known as life has begun, and we ride into conflict with chips on our shoulders and hearts on our sleeves. we, the breakfast […]

Chameleon.

The fallout from a big fuck-up is always worse than the initial bomb. I mean sure, the initial fireball is huge and shit dies, but I’d argue that the toxic wasteland that occurs afterwards hurts a lot more than the first explosion ever could. The shockwave after the nuke hits the ground, the breaking of […]

isolated.

disconnected from the world I know, here I lay drifting in the empty space. it would seem that somebody decided I was getting too comfortable in my new space, and has decided to uproot my entire life to make me feel as isolated as humanly possible. the worst part? that someone was me. […]

existential mess (vol. iii)

the past week and a bit have been exciting times. being back home at college as a completely different person to the one I was prior to leaving gives the place a whole new coat of paint, on top of The Year 12 Factor (that is, the glory of the common room) changing the traditional […]

Finale.

things don’t feel like they used to. these past few days i’ve felt out of my own body, i have to look at mirrors from time-to-time to make sure i’m still real. it’s hard to explain, but imagine being constantly aware of the passage of time and how little you can do to stop it’s […]